


Shutting Out Is Shutting In: Naruto’s First Ninja Mission!

by Opftw27



Category: Naruto
Genre: Ableism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Autism Spectrum, Friendship, Gen, Neurodiversity, Talk no Jutsu except it doesn't always work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:33:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29012103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Opftw27/pseuds/Opftw27
Summary: When Naruto gets put into the special ed track, he thinks his life is over, but is soon distracted by the strange boy in his new class: Gaara Sabaku. With several years of ninja training under his belt, Naruto is the only person equipped to take on the challenge of figuring out what's wrong with Gaara and making sure he doesn't hurt anyone.
Relationships: Gaara & Uzumaki Naruto, Umino Iruka & Uzumaki Naruto
Kudos: 16





	Shutting Out Is Shutting In: Naruto’s First Ninja Mission!

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic for a friend's Christmas present. It deals pretty heavily with ableism, so content warning on that front. Please keep in mind that opinions expressed by characters do not reflect the author's. 
> 
> Another thing I would note is that the setting is vague on purpose. I didn't feel confident to set it in Japan, but also didn't want to Westernize the characters, so like Naruto, it's set somewhere other than Earth as we know it, but with recognizable aspects of our world. I based the sign language off ASL, since that's what I know some of, but they are not in America.

It's a Friday when he gets the news. Principle Sarutobi takes him aside and tells him calmly, like it's not a big deal. Naruto wants to throw a fit, to stink up the whole school, to get out all his rage and shame, but it's the thought of Iruka that stops him. Iruka, who apparently recommended this in the first place. If Naruto acts up now, he'll only be proving Iruka right. He used to love the look of disappointment on Iruka's face after he caught him spray painting a wall or cheating on a test; now Naruto never wants to see it again. Never wants to see Iruka at all, unless he can prove him wrong.

The entire bus ride home, Naruto is quiet and sits still, looking down at his hands. The other kids of course think this is funny, and Kiba, Naruto's rival for class clown, jeers about there being a first time for everything. Naruto doesn’t answer, leading to further commentary. It doesn't bother him. At least they don't know yet. Then they would have something better to make fun of.

He's quiet when he gets home too. He takes off his shoes at the door, drops off his backpack in his room, and slowly makes his way to Yui's study. He knocks and gets a cool "come in." Delaying the inevitable, he creaks the door open slowly before shuffling into the room, keeping his eyes glued on the carpet like he has so many times before.

"What is it?" she asks, not looking up from her work.

"They said... at school today." He's shaking now and can't control the quality of his voice. His mouth feels dry. "Principle Sarutobi, he said that I'm going to... switch classes."

"Oh that?" Yui signs a document with a flourish. "Yes, I was notified this week. The special education track. It's hardly surprising, is it?"

Naruto doesn't know what response he expected. His head starts to swim. "No."

"If that's all, you can go now. I left some money on the counter so you can buy food. Try not to get into any trouble."

In his room, Naruto buries his face under his pillow. He doesn't cry, or not much. He just lies there.

No one expects anything of him. No one wants to have to deal with him.

But he’ll show them. He has to.

\---

“Class, we have a new friend today!” Naruto’s new teacher smiles in a way that makes him scowl. “Introduce yourself, Naruto.”

The scowl fades as he looks out at all the kids staring at him, waiting for a response. “I’m Naruto Uzumaki! Remember the name! Someday you’ll be telling your kids you were in the same class with me! You better believe it!” 

No response from the class, just stares. That would’ve at least gotten a mocking laugh in his old class. “Yes, well, you can take a seat now,” Mizuki says. 

Naruto squints out at the sea of faces and starts when his eye is caught by a kid sitting in the back row. He’s got bright red hair, bags under his eyes, dark eyeliner, and most strikingly, a kanji tattoo on his forehead. _He must get stared at everywhere he goes_ , Naruto thinks, and makes his way over to sit next to the kid. 

“’Sup?” No response. The kid just stares at his desk like he wants to set it on fire. “I’m Naruto, though I guess I just said that.” He laughs and rubs at the back of his head. “What’s your name?” Silence. “Well, it’s nice to meet you. I think—” 

“Naruto!” Mizuki calls from the front of the class, sugary sweet. “It’s learning time now. You can socialize later, okay?”

He’s so much nicer than Iruka, whose face always got red when Naruto was rude. He never thought he’d miss being yelled at. 

Sitting back in his desk, Naruto eyes the class. They don’t seem that different from other kids, except the guy sitting next to him. There is another kid with an odd look in the row in front of him, all green clothes and a long braid going down his back, but he can’t match red hair, eyeliner, and a forehead tattoo. His eyes drift next to the classroom decorations. They’re all brighter, simpler, more childish than the ones in the normal classes. He’s used to world maps and periodic tables, not motivational kittens telling him to never give up. 

He buries his face in his desk and puts his arms around his head. Mizuki drones on, never telling him to sit up and pay attention. He could probably just stay like this all day.

But that would be too much like giving up. Even if there’s no way to prove how smart and awesome he is in these classes, he’s not going to turn into some pathetic vegetable. He’s not going to give up who he is just because everyone else wants to get rid of him.

An idea comes to him, and he sits up, trying not to not laugh out loud. Opening his notebook, he begins to write diligently, nodding when Mizuki says something about how many dollars it would take to buy 20 apples priced at 30 cents. But what Mizuki doesn’t know is he’s taking notes on his next pranks. _That idiot will think I’m the best student in his class!_

Once he’s come up with three new ideas, he sneaks a peak at the clock, thinking the period must be almost over, but only 15 minutes had passed. Groaning, he bangs his head back down on his desk. 

His spell of despair is broken by Mizuki’s sunny voice. “Alright class, now we’re going to work in pairs. Everyone work with the person sitting next to you and do the practice sheets I’m handing out together. When you’re done, we’ll go over the answers as a class, okay?” 

Mizuki passes the sheets down the rows of students, one for each pair. Snatching his with gusto, Naruto turns to the weird kid sitting next to him. “So, are you good at math?” He puffs up his chest. “I’m great at it, so even if you suck, you’ll do just fine with me as a partner!”

No response. The boy doesn’t even look up from his desk, even as all the other kids get started around him.

He looks at the other kid a bit more closely. He seems to be younger than Naruto, but there’s something off about him, despite his baby face. He’s tense, like he’s ready for a fight. Naruto is all too familiar with the stance.

Well fine then. If he doesn’t want to do the stupid problems, neither does Naruto. So there. Copying the other boy’s posture, Naruto crosses his arms and glares down at his own desk. 

After a couple minutes, Mizuki has to ruin it. “Naruto, Gaara, why aren’t you working?” he asks, bustling over. 

“But Mr. Mizuki,” Naruto says in what is definitely not a whine, “it’s not my fault! He won’t talk to me!” He gestures at the kid, apparently named Gaara. 

“Oh, I should have explained.” Mizuki comes over and sits down. “Gaara doesn’t use words to communicate. He either uses sign language or writing. We usually have an interpreter here to work with him, but… we’ve been having trouble finding one to work with him.” Mizuki smiles so widely it’s blinding. “But that’s no excuse, is it Gaara? We’ve talked about this. Even when you can’t sign, you can write. You could have told Naruto yourself and gotten started on the problems, couldn’t you?” Dead silence. “Gaara?”

Mizuki reaches across the desk to get Gaara’s attention, and then many things happen all at once. In shock, Naruto watches the kid, tiny, red-haired, expressionless, transform into a monster. His face contorts into one of hostility and rage, and all at once, before Mizuki can even tap the desk in front of him, he flies across the desk and bites down hard on his hand. 

Mizuki hisses and pulls back, but it takes several hard shakes to get the boy to release his jaw and let him go. All the kids in the class turn to stare at them. Naruto’s staring too. The kid, Gaara, shrinks back into his seat, panting, glaring at the desk again. 

“Well,” Mizuki says, dusting off his clothes, trying to regain his composure and smile, “we know that’s not how we act in the classroom, Gaara. I’m going to have to call security.”

As Mizuki leaves the class to get the guards and visit the nurse’s office, Naruto stares at the boy across from him. Gaara is back to non-responsive, but now he’s breathing so hard his shoulders are rising and falling. His face is frozen into a rigid mask. 

Naruto only realizes he’s edged away from the other boy when the security guards enter the room to take Gaara away. Transfixed, he watches as the guards attempt to take him by the shoulders. Gaara sits still until they touch him, and then he goes crazy again, lashing out, trying to bite, scratch, tear, anything to keep them away. But he’s an eleven-year-old and they’re adult men. Eventually they still his struggles, clamping down on his arms, and half-lift, half-drag him out of the room. A vague sense of admiration fills Naruto as they leave. He can hear the guards struggling all the way down the hall, Gaara fighting them every step of the way.

Eventually Mizuki comes back to class and he ends up in a group with two other boys, pretending to do math problems and trying to get the wild look in Gaara’s eyes out of his head. 

Later that day he catches a glimpse of himself in the bathroom mirror and flinches.

\---

No one has ever told Naruto to stay away the bad kids; in fact, parents tell their kids to avoid him. But anyone with sense would tell him to avoid Gaara. Even the school staff give the kid a wide berth. Naruto knows that because he’s ignoring the responsible adult in his head: he’s started following Gaara.

He doesn’t know why he’s doing it. He likes to imagine he’s a ninja with a secret mission, but that doesn’t explain why he’s chosen this target. Naruto feels a sense of unease even sitting in the same class as Gaara, and he’s moved to a desk further away from him, but he’s still sitting close enough to watch. Maybe it’s just that Gaara attacking Mizuki is the most interesting that’s happened at this school, ever. And it’s something to focus on that isn’t his shitty life. He may be in special classes, but at least he can talk and doesn’t bite people. 

If Gaara has noticed he’s watching him, he’s showed no sign of it. The kid acts like the rest of the world doesn’t exist at school unless someone gets too close. And at the end of the day, he doesn’t ride the bus with the rest of the kids; instead, he gets into a black limo and is spirited away. 

All the other kids avoid him due to his school-wide reputation for attacking on another student. Naruto never had any friends, even before being switched classes, so he didn’t hear the rumors before, but sharing a class with Gaara meant the rumors come to him.

He still sees some of his old classmates in the halls, which stings every time. Most of them don’t say anything mean to his face, but he knows what they’re thinking. Only kids like Kiba have the guts to say it. Kiba’s different because even if he is a potential bully, he’ll still talk to Naruto instead of pretending he doesn’t exist, and that continues even after he’s been transferred to special ed.

One day Kiba yelled out, “Hey Naruto, how does it feel to be sharing a class with Psycho Gaara?” Naruto got the story out of him after that.

From of their class, only Sakura Haruno was there to see it. “She _hated_ Lee before, and now she brings him flowers and punches anyone who’s mean to him! Isn’t that crazy?” Kiba chuckled.

Apparently the kid who always wore green spandex bodysuits and had stupidly big eyebrows, Rock Lee, was sent to the hospital by Gaara in September. “Totally unprovoked. Lee was just doing martial arts moves or something, and the freak just went ballistic. Sakura said Lee was trying to walk away or call for help. He’s a nice kid even if he is a fucking weirdo, so he didn’t want to fight. Eventually he did hit back in self-defense and Gaara was so pissed that he shoved him back against a concrete wall. The ambulance came to the school and everything! You missed that ‘cause you were playing hooky.”

Naruto has noticed Rock Lee is uneasy around Gaara. If he wasn’t in special ed, Naruto is sure he would’ve been moved to a different class than Gaara, but this is the only special ed class for kids 10-13. Rock Lee is two years older, so next year he’ll be able to get away, but Naruto still feels sorry for him. If he got attacked he would want to keep his distance too. 

Mizuki also clearly wants to keep Gaara at a distance. Since Naruto’s first day in class, Mizuki has not so much asked the kid to answer a question. Naruto understands it, but the coldness in his eyes when he looks at Gaara bothers him. Naruto has had that kind of coldness directed at him so many times, and often he’s wanted to lash out at the people who’ve directed it at him, to hurt them, like it would somehow make up for the pain he feels. 

This insight comes to Naruto when he’s in bed, and he sits up, heart pounding, mind replaying the scene of Gaara attacking Mizuki. _I could be just like him. One bad day and maybe I would be._

Naruto doesn’t know what he would do if he saw Iruka again. He feels anger swell in him just thinking about it, and he lies back down and buries his head under his pillow to try to get rid of it. 

_I don’t want to be like him. I won’t be like him! And I won’t let him hurt anyone else either._

If this is Naruto’s ninja mission, he thinks, then there has to be an objective. There’s obviously something wrong with this kid, something so wrong it’s dangerous, and no adult is going to do anything about it. That means it’s up to Naruto. He’s going to figure out what’s wrong with Gaara and fix it. Then he’ll be a hero, and everyone will see they were wrong about him.

\---

Naruto isn’t stupid, that’s the thing. Adults go on and on about reading and passing tests and following the rules and eating healthy, but that’s all just stuff they decide is important. They just expect him to do what they want instead of thinking about what he’s good at or wants to do. What they don’t know is that when Naruto puts his mind to something, he’s going to do it, no matter what. That’s what makes him such an accomplished ninja. 

When Naruto was seven, he had taught himself how to get around the entire city by himself. That had been when he was in a foster home his social worker called “neglectful,” but it had been one of his favorites because no one cared what he did, just like the one he has now. Some of his foster parents had been strict and constantly controlled his whereabouts, but at that one, he was free to run around by himself all day. That was when he picked up a lot of the skills he still uses today, like climbing buildings and doing spray paint and pranking people. So Naruto knows he’s good figuring things out.

Now he’s trying to figure out how to crack Gaara’s code. 

Since Naruto realized they were similar, it has been a bit easier to understand Gaara. He’s pretty sure the other boy is more aware of his surroundings than he lets on, certainly more aware than the school staff acts like he is. He knows what’s going on, and he just doesn’t care. Naruto skips school and Gaara shuts it out. He looks tired and doesn’t eat during lunch, but no one ever notices. He’s just left alone. No one talks to him, other kids or school staff. _If that was me, I would be lonely._

So maybe all Gaara needs is for someone to talk to. Someone who spends time with him. That’s how Naruto decides what to do.

\---

He approaches Gaara during recess, which they only get once a week. Gaara of course never joins in any play, just sits by himself from a distance, watching. All the other kids find it unnerving, but no one wants to ask him to stop. 

Naruto approaches the bench where he’s sitting and puffs himself up with pride. Putting his hand up to his forehead, he gives a little wave. That gets Gaara’s attention, meaning he has two eyeliner-ringed bloodshot eyes staring at him, but Naruto presses forward nonetheless. He’s spent the last few days studying the regional dialect of sign language so that he can communicate with Gaara.

 _Hello_ , he signs, _I am Naruto. Nice to meet you._ That’s about all Naruto knows at this point, and he shifts from foot to foot as Gaara continues to stare. Maybe this will have no more success than when he had talked to Gaara verbally.

But after a couple more agonizing seconds, Gaara reaches into his bag and pulls out a notebook. Scribbling in it, he writes, _Stop signing. You’re terrible at it._

Naruto is so happy he got a response that he swallows his pride and chuckles. He moves to take the notebook and write something back, but Gaara snatches it back.

“So can I just talk then? You do understand me, right?” No response. Well, that’s fine. Naruto sits down on the bench next to Gaara and stretches. He would be content to just sit here, but Gaara pulls out his notebook again. He scribbles angrily and then hands the message to Naruto. _If you don’t get away from me, I’ll kill you._

Naruto’s heart leaps, but all the nerves just get channeled towards anger. “Oh yeah? I’d like to see you try! I’m a ninja on a secret mission and I’m not going to be stopped by someone like you.”

Gaara goes nonresponsive again, except Naruto sees his knuckles tighten on his notebook. He looks like he’s willing Naruto to spontaneously combust, but he doesn’t have the power to do it. Gaara looks like that all the time.

“You think just because you’re mad at the world, you can go around threatening people? You’re not the only one who has problems, you know. Get over yourself!” Naruto wants to grab on to his shirt and shake him but thinks that would be a bad idea, considering how Gaara reacts to anyone getting close to him. 

Gaara moves to write again, and Naruto sits back, blood pounding in his ears. _You don’t understand. I will not cease to exist. That is all._

Gaara stands up from the bench and begins to walk away. A heavy pit has formed in Naruto’s stomach, and he almost wants to give up right there, but then he hears himself calling out, “I’ll talk to you again tomorrow!” after the retreating figure. Gaara turns back and looks at Naruto, an inscrutable expression on his face, and then turns away again. 

Naruto doesn’t understand about ceasing to exist and what that has to do with Gaara’s behavior. Maybe that’s just something Gaara made up to justify himself. If he really believes it, maybe that’s scarier. Naruto is definitely freaked out. But he doesn’t go back on his word. He’s going to keep trying to get through to Gaara or die trying.

\---

Later Naruto realizes that Gaara talking to him that day had been a fluke, probably brought on by Gaara’s surprise he’d learned some signs. Gaara hasn’t written or signed one thing to Naruto since then, but they’ve still communicated, in a way. If Naruto gets too close to Gaara, Gaara moves away, and his demeanor threatens violence if Naruto pursues, so Naruto has learned to keep a good distance. He never sits near Gaara but may walk in circles around him or simply sit in the same room with him. 

And Naruto knows Gaara listens to what he says because certain things he says make Gaara mad. If he starts asking questions about him, confronting him about his behavior, or even trying to make conversation with him, Gaara gets agitated and walks away. 

The crazy thing is though, as long as Naruto doesn’t do any of those things, Gaara stays where he is and listens. Naruto can talk about his day, his ninja exploits, movies he’s seen, anything, and Gaara doesn’t leave. Naruto isn’t fooling himself into thinking Gaara gives a shit about anything he says, but it’s still a form of contact. And when they’re together, Naruto knows Gaara isn’t hurting anyone else. 

All the other kids have noticed, of course. Naruto is now a full-on social pariah in most circles—before he’d at least been considered an amusement, tolerable, to most of the school, but now he’s associated with Psycho Gaara and the ostracization is even worse. At the same time, he’s had two people go out of their way to warn him to be careful around Gaara, leaving him feeling both touched and ashamed.

“You know, people keep warning me about you,” Naruto tells Gaara one day when Gaara’s black limo doesn’t come to pick him up and Naruto has to stay after school because Yui is out of town. “First it was Rock Lee.” Naruto notices a tiny jolt go through Gaara, who he’s eyeing through his reflection in a window. “He was crazy formal about it, like he didn’t want to offend me, but he was saying things in the most annoying way possible. He went, ‘Honored Naruto, I am confident that you know what is best for you, but I must warn you, you are making a grave mistake.’” Naruto snorts at his own impersonation.

“And then it was Sakura. Sakura! Can you believe that?” Naruto sighs. “Sakura is the prettiest girl in the whole world. Of course she would be nice enough to warn me.” He can feel himself getting morose, thinking back on what had happened. “I wish she wasn’t so nice.”

He leans his head back and looks up the sky. They’re waiting right outside the school receptionist office, where the staff can keep an eye on them and they can see if a guardian shows up. 

“It’s stupid. I know she was trying to help. But of course, that Sasuke bastard came along while we were talking. He’s always getting in the way of me and Sakura! And he called me stupid like he always does, and Sakura went, ‘Sasuke, you can’t call him that.’” A pause. “I should be happy. Not that long ago I would have given anything for Sakura to stand up for me against Sasuke. She’s never done that, not even once, she always takes his side. But that’s the thing. He’s called me that a hundred times and she never cared before.”

Naruto looks directly at Gaara instead of looking in the window or away. Gaara looks back at him unwaveringly, concentration fixed on Naruto. Naruto swallows and continues. “Maybe you’re in these classes ‘cause you don’t talk or you get in fights, but I’m here ‘cause I fail everything. So Sakura feels bad for me. Sasuke calling me stupid isn’t an insult anymore, it’s just a fact, so she thinks it’s rude to say.”

As soon as he spills this, Naruto looks down in regret. Up to this point, he’s just rambled to Gaara instead of talking about his stupid problems. It’s not like he’s sobbing or anything, but the shame and despair have made him set his jaw, clinch his fists. Has he ever talked to anyone about how he’s a fuck up? No one has ever cared except to yell at him about it. Why did he have to go blabbing about it now?

Naruto looks up to see Gaara is still staring at him, no change to his expression, just a blank wall. _I guess I may as well talk to him about whatever. I mean, it’s not like he’s going to tell anyone else. And I’m not special to him. He’s not going to judge ‘cause as far he’s concerned, I’m just one more asshole who should die in a fire._

Satisfied with this, Naruto moves on to chatter about why he wears bright orange and blue outfits and goggles—“It’s like training, since it’s hard to go unnoticed with these on!”—and Gaara sits and stares without blinking. 

\---

And so the year inches on slowly. Naruto somehow finds school even more boring in the special program, and he’s still bitter and hurt and ashamed, but he’s adjusted to it nonetheless. School is easier to ignore anyway, since he has less homework and easier course materials now. No one really cares what he does now that he doesn’t do pranks as often and so he’s left to his own devices. 

His relationship with Gaara is similar in that it has upsides and downsides. His choice to associate with Gaara has isolated him further from other kids, but that also means he has less people messing with him. And Naruto likes having someone to talk to, someone to spend time with. He always hated it, playing by himself, eating by himself, so even if they aren’t friends, he appreciates the company. 

But Naruto can’t help but feel he’s failing at his mission. He still doesn’t think he really understands Gaara, which is why early one morning before school, Naruto seeks advice. He hasn’t seen Gaara yet, which isn’t uncommon, since he doesn’t take the bus. Milling around the auditorium, Naruto spots a small figure huddled in the corner of the room. It’s Hinata, a girl Naruto has been in the same class a couple of times. She looks like she’s trying really hard not to be noticed, to disappear. That’s probably why Naruto barely ever sees her around, ‘cause she’s always doing that. He’s always thought she has a distant, off-putting personality, but right now, she’s someone he wants to talk to. 

As he approaches her, however, her eyes begin to dart around the room, and she suddenly gets up and starts to walk away, towards a group of other kids. “Wait, Hinata!” he calls after her, but she doesn’t stop, so he speeds up.

He catches up to her and falls into step next to her, panting but grinning. “Come on Hinata, I just want to talk to you about something.”

She slows down and again looks around. “Um…” she whispers like she doesn’t want anyone to hear her. “Okay…”

“So—” Naruto begins, but she cuts him off.

“Not right now!” she says, louder than he’s ever heard her. She’s clearly even more anxious than normal, face flushed, trembling slightly. “Maybe we can meet…?” she trails off.

Fine with Naruto. “Sure! Do you wanna get something to eat after school?”

Hinata looks like she’s gonna faint. All of her behavior is pretty incomprehensible to Naruto, but he’s used to weird at this point. After a moment of flailing, Hinata settles, clinching her fists like she’s trying to shore herself up. “R—ramen?” she asks.

Naruto’s heart leaps. “Yeah, sounds great! I love Ichiraku, their ramen is the best!”

“Yes, they are… good.” Hinata fidgets. She hasn’t looked him this entire conversation, standing there in her huge jacket which makes her look even smaller than she is. “But I can’t… I need time. Tomorrow?”

“Okay!” Naruto grins. “See you there at four o’clock.”

Hinata gives a tiny nod, and Naruto walks away feeling accomplished. Hinata may not be easy to talk to, but at least she answers. 

Naruto gets to Ichiraku Ramen early the next day, brimming with excitement. He’s never been out to eat with anyone, ever! None of his foster parents have ever taken him to a restaurant; the closest he’s gotten is eating fast food from a drive thru. And it’s his favorite food too! He loves Ichiraku since all the people there know him and are nice to him. Sometimes they even give him a free meal. 

He paces around outside the ramen bar while he waits, ignoring Ayame, who thinks it’s funny how excited he is. She gets even worse when Hinata shows up; she keeps making faces at the two of them, cooing, and giggling at Naruto’s manners. 

Hinata is white as a sheet as they sit down to order, clutching the bag she brought with her close. Naruto has to recommend her a bowl since she’s too nervous to pick what she wants. “Are you cold?” he asks, reaching across the bar to feel Hinata’s hand. Her skin goes from white to red and she jerks away, making Naruto think he offended her. “Sorry!”

He glares at Ayame when she snorts. “What’s so funny?” 

“Nothing, nothing,” Ayame replies in a sing-song tone and goes into the back of the shop to prepare their food. 

While they wait, Naruto finally brings up what he wanted to ask in the first place. “So Hinata… you’re pretty quiet, huh?”

Hinata looks extremely confused. “Yes…?”

“How come?”

“Oh…” She looks down at her hands, pushing two of her fingers together. Naruto has noticed she does that a lot. “Um… well, a lot of reasons, I guess.”

“Oh yeah?” Naruto leans forward and sips his drink. “Like what?”

Hinata frowns in concentration, clearly trying to find a way to articulate what she’s thinking. “I don’t like people to look at me… or, or get mad,” she whispers, like she’s confessing a dark secret. “And sometimes, it’s hard…”

“What’s hard?” Naruto asks, feeling like he’s starting to understand her a bit better. 

“Hard to understand what people are saying, and hard to say anything back.” She bites her lip. “I never know the right thing to say…”

“Oh.” Naruto’s never thought much about the right thing to say. He tilts his head to the side, considering it. “I don’t think you’re so bad at talking.”

Hinata jolts. “Oh… um…” Her voice gets so small he can barely make out what she says next. “Thank you.”

“I wanna ask you something else,” Naruto says seriously. He looks right at her, and she manages to look up from the bar to meet his eyes for a split second before looking down again. “So I know this guy, and he doesn’t talk either. I’m pretty sure he has different reasons than you.”

“Ga—Gaara?” she stutters.

“Yeah! How did you—oh, I guess everyone knows I’m hanging out with him, huh? Anyway, I just wanted to ask you if you have an idea why he doesn’t talk, ‘cause I have no clue.”

“Um… I don’t really know him…” 

“Yeah,” Naruto sighs. “I guess you wouldn’t know just ‘cause you’re quiet.”

But Hinata continues. “I—I think, maybe he’s scared, too. He always looks on edge, you know… Maybe he thinks if he talks to someone, something bad will happen. But I’m just guessing.”

That’s probably the nicest motive anyone has ever assigned to Gaara. Naruto studies the girl’s face, delicate, flushed. “Hm. You might be right!” Naruto slaps her on the back. “Thanks, Hinata!”

Instead of reacting like a normal person, Hinata looks like she wants to sink into the floor. Luckily Ayame brings out their food soon after so Naruto doesn’t have to keep trying to make conversation. His impression of Hinata is only improved by this development, as she can keep up with his ramen consumption. They both manage to eat three bowls by the end of the meal. 

Rubbing his stomach, Naruto sits back, grinning. “That was great, Ayame! Put my bowls on my tab, okay?” 

For some reason, this makes Ayame mad. “A gentleman would pay for his lady friend’s food,” she admonishes.

“What, why?” he asks, just as Hinata interjects, face dark red, “No, I’ll—I’ll pay for my own!” 

Ayame shrugs and accepts the bills Hinata hands her with shaking hands. 

Outside the restaurant on the street, Naruto faces Hinata and smiles. “You know, before today, I thought you were weird, dull, and a scaredy cat!” Hinata reacts like she’s been slapped, so Naruto goes on quickly. “But now I see you’re actually really nice and brave! And you sure can eat!” 

Hinata trembles like a leaf, arms at her sides. Naruto can tell she wants to say something, so he waits. “Maybe… maybe we can do this again,” she blurts out in a rush.

A warm feeling spreads through Naruto. “Yeah!”

After that, they part ways, but the warm feeling stays with him all the way home through the wintery streets. 

\---

Naruto thinks a lot about what Hinata said over the next few days. He watches closely the way Gaara reacts when a cafeteria worker walks too close behind him, when a soccer ball flies over his head. Gaara’s anger is so intense it’s obvious, blinding anyone looking at him to any other emotion he might be feeling. Naruto has always found Gaara’s rigidity scary, ‘cause it makes him look like he’s about to snap, but now that Hinata has said it, he can see fear in the body language. 

Anger Naruto can understand, but fear not so much. He’s scared of getting in big trouble and being punished, but he’s not scared of the people around him. Now that he knows why Gaara hates when anyone gets too close, Naruto can sympathize more, and he starts to go out of his way to act nonthreatening when they’re together. 

Because of Naruto’s change in behavior, he thinks Gaara actually looks relaxed sometimes when they’re alone. Naruto wants to thank Hinata, but his plans to do so are cut off abruptly one Friday afternoon.

Naruto, a good distance from the bench where Gaara sits in the recess yard, is practicing ninja moves, along with sign language. Things like that make sense to Naruto, things you do with your body. He doesn’t know that much—the fact that Gaara refuses in it to talk to him had hampered his interest—but he decided to keep studying it just in case. He thinks it would be the coolest thing ever if he could communicate with just his hands, and no one but him and Gaara would know what they were saying, like it’s a secret ninja language. That’s why Naruto has incorporated it into his ninja training. 

He’s trying to make sure he can ask for ramen in sign language when he’s approached by an older kid. Naruto slowly stops his movements as the slender, clear-eyed boy comes right up to him. He isn’t much taller than Naruto, yet he can feel how much the other boy is looking down on him. His eyes are like daggers of contempt. “Naruto Uzumaki,” he says imperiously. 

At the sight of this confrontation, several of the other children in the area swivel to watch. Naruto crosses his arms defensively. “Yeah, whaddaya want?”

“I want you to stay away from my cousin.”

Naruto’s mind goes blank as he tries to think of who this kid’s cousin could possibly be. He starts to feel vaguely guilty, as well as anxious that he’s done something wrong and not realized it. “What—your cousin?”

“Hinata Hyuga.” Naruto feels like the floor falls out from under him and he continues to stare without responding. The other boy sees that he will get no response and frowns in disapproval. “I am Neji Hyuga. We were in the same grade…” Neji’s face slips into a smirk. “Before you were held back.”

Naruto can feel himself getting angry, but he restrains himself. “Okay, and? What does that have to do with Hinata?”

The other boy hardens. “Hinata is not meant to socialize at school, as an heiress to a family whose wealth and prestige goes back centuries, but she is weak-willed and unintelligent, which may explain her interest in you.”

“Her… interest in me?” 

Neji continues as if nothing had been said. “Her father believes you are a bad influence on her. He is considering transferring her to a private school. This entire affair has put a great deal of strain on our family.”

“How’s any of this my fault?” Naruto growls. “What am I being accused of?”

“We know you stole her necklace.” At this, Naruto freezes, suddenly acutely aware of all the other kids staring. “It must have been all too easy, considering Hinata’s pathetic crush on you. It went missing from her bag the same day she snuck off to meet with you.”

“I—I didn’t.” Naruto’s hands start to shake. “I really didn’t steal it. I promise.” His voice goes high and plaintive with the last word. 

“That is what a thief would say.” Neji sniffs. “I don’t even blame you. You are a product of your environment; after all, poverty is a strong motivator. Your conduct matches your station. But it is time for you to accept that there are things—people—not made for you. Do not speak to Hinata again.”

Feelings too strong and numerous to name course through Naruto’s body, and for an instant, he sees himself dashing forward, smashing into the other boy, trying to crush him. 

But before he can do anything, his attention is abruptly redirected. Gaara, who he somehow forgot was there, stands up. The onlookers quickly move away as Gaara glares at everyone in the general vicinity. Neji seems to know Gaara’s reputation as well, and his forehead creases, his eyes narrow. Looking back at Naruto, he spits, “The fact that this is the company you keep only proves my point.” With that, he turns on his heel to leave, long hair swishing behind him.

Naruto blinks, trying to process what just happened. He’s been accused of something he didn’t do before, but never quite like this. Hinata has a crush on him? Naruto has barely ever even talked to her! And Gaara…

Naruto watches as the boy returns to his bench, looking more annoyed than Naruto has seen him in months. His arms are crossed and he has that violent look in his eyes. A shiver runs through Naruto. _Did I look like that, just now?_

Despite this, he doesn’t feel scared of Gaara. He goes and sits next to him on the bench, closer than he normally gets, and Gaara doesn’t leave. He doesn’t react at all, in fact. 

Why had he stood up? Had he been defending Naruto?

Maybe not. A lot of things piss Gaara off. He mighta just been annoyed because the confrontation disturbed his peace, or maybe it was something Neji said. 

But from that day on, Naruto starts to think of them as friends. He can’t be friends with Hinata now, and he’s never had another friend, so maybe he doesn’t know what friendship really is, but the idea of it is precious to him. He says it to himself, sitting there on that bench. _My friend, Gaara._

\---

About a month later, Naruto plunks down near Gaara during study hall, breathing hard. They’re in their usual alcove near the back of the library where no one can bother them. He’s glad of it, because he feels like he wants to blow something up.

“Fuck!” No reply, of course. “Shit!” He runs his hands through his hair and then tugs on it, trying to calm down. “I’m gonna—I’ll—” He’s afraid if he keeps talking, he’s going to say something bad, so he clamps down on his jaw and grabs down on his chair to brace himself.

After a minute of hard breathing, he straightens. “I ran into Iruka. The teacher. My—” He stops. Gaara is staring away from him into rows of books. For no other reason than to rid himself of the weight on his chest, Naruto continues. “You don’t know him. He teaches the normal classes.”

Naruto can feel a sting in his eyes, but he refuses to cry. He digs his nails into his palms until he has the feeling under control, and then goes on. “I was so stupid! I really thought he cared about me! But he just gave up on me, he got rid of me!” He feels like he’s choking and gulps down breaths. “He told the old man to put me in the special classes and he hasn’t talked to me once since. Then today, I’m just trying to get to class on time, and he yells at me for running in the hall. That’s all he ever did, get mad at me!”

He hits his knuckles down hard on the chair, the pain barely registering to him. He remembers how Iruka had looked when he saw it was him, shocked and dismayed. Iruka tried to talk to him, but Naruto ran away before he could.

“I don’t want to hear it,” he groans. “I don’t want him to tell me how much of a disappointment I am. He doesn’t care about me, so he should just leave me alone.”

Naruto feels drained of all his energy. He puts his head down on the table in front of him and closes his eyes. Maybe he’ll just stay here forever.

After a while, he hears a quiet sound of something being slid across the table and looks up. Gaara has written something on his notebook, for the first time since that first day.

_He betrayed you. Everyone will betray you. Love only yourself._

Naruto stares at the writing for a long time. 

\---

Spring comes on soon enough, but despite the changing of the seasons, the weather stays dreary, gray, cold, and bitter. Naruto increasingly doesn’t speak when he and Gaara are together, instead staring off into the distance and waiting for school to be over. But he doesn’t have plans after school. Nothing seems worth it anymore. Pranks are only fun when he gets a reaction, when there’s someone to care that he’s raising hell. His classes are more mind-numbing than ever. He’s only seen Hinata once since they went to the ramen place, and she avoided meeting his eyes.

What’s the point? No matter how hard he tries, Naruto can’t prove himself to anybody. There’s no opportunity for him to accomplish anything, and no one would even care if he did. But the thought of giving up and accepting being a failure is so intolerable that all Naruto can do is cycle between hatred, shame, and anger. Whose fault is it? His or the world’s?

Gaara is in a way the perfect companion for him in these feelings. Naruto has always felt uneasy with Gaara’s behavior, his way of being in the world, but the more anguish he’s in, the more Gaara’s presence is a comfort to him. _I’m not the only one who feels this way. If I was alone in this, by myself, I don’t know what I’d do._

But as he is soon to realize, the gulf that stands between him and Gaara has not been closed.

They’re sitting in the cafeteria one day, Naruto picking at his food half-heartedly, Gaara not even doing that; he looks more sickly than usual lately. Their companionship is interrupted by an announcement from the PA speaker. “Gaara Sabaku,” the voice says, nasally as school announcements always are. “Your siblings are here to pick you up for a doctor’s appointment. Please make your way to the front office.”

At this, Gaara stands and leaves the room, making no gesture of goodbye. Naruto stares after him, one thought on his mind: _Siblings?_ Gaara has been called out for doctor’s appointments before, but he’s never heard anything about siblings.

Curiosity piqued, Naruto uses his ninja skills to slip out of the cafeteria unnoticed and follow Gaara down the halls. When he makes it to the receptionist office, he hangs around quietly in a doorway, peering through the blinds of the window, trying to see who Gaara is talking to. He doesn’t have much luck, but momentarily, he sees a red head of hair exiting and making for the exit. 

Naruto waits until a group of students comes by so he can join them leaving the building, a great trick for not getting yelled at. Out in the parking lot, he sees Gaara standing with his siblings, a sandy-haired girl in her late teens and a boy with a look as strange as Gaara’s, a black hoodie with… cat ears? And is he wearing purple face paint? Maybe guys in their family just really like makeup?

They’re standing outside a nice car, not the black limo, but an expensive looking shiny one. Naruto gets closer to hear what they’re saying. 

“…Asked us to because Baki is busy today. So you’re stuck with us for a while, huh?” the boy jokes with a hint of edge to it.

The girl gives a half chuckle. “We’ll go home right after, okay, Gaara?”

Gaara crosses his arms and glares at the ground. 

Skirting around him, the brother moves to open the car door. Before they leave, Naruto decides he wants to meet them, so he pops out from behind a car with a “Yo!”

Both siblings jolt and turn to stare at him. Naruto addresses Gaara first. “You never told me you have siblings! Then again, you don’t tell me much of anything.” He turns to face the brother and sister. “I’m Naruto Uzumaki, Gaara’s friend.” It’s the first time he’s ever said that out loud, and he sneaks a peak at Gaara but sees no objection in his posture. Naruto grins even wider and waits for the siblings to introduce themselves.

The boy blinks. “Gaara’s… friend.”

“Sure am! And you’re his brother.”

“Yes…” He tugs at his hoodie so it fits more securely around his head. “My name is Kankuro. Nice to meet you, shorty.”

Over Naruto’s protests, the girl introduces herself as well. “And I’m his sister, Temari. We didn’t know Gaara had made a friend.” She smiles and addresses Gaara. “You should tell us more about what you do at school!”

“…Shut up.” The voice is strange, harsh, rusty with neglect. Naruto almost looks around to see who spoke. It’s the first time he’s ever heard Gaara’s voice. “If you all don’t shut up, I’ll kill you,” he growls, clutching at his head like he’s in pain. 

For a moment, Naruto stands there dumbly. Temari and Kankuro back away a bit, but they don’t look surprised, just resigned, like they hear this all the time. As they move to placate their brother and try to get him in the car, a rage starts to boil in Naruto’s stomach. He’s tired of being pushed away like he doesn’t mean anything, he’s tired of being threatened, and it’s slowly dawning on him, the difference between Gaara and himself. 

_All this time, I thought we were the same, but he has a family! He has a brother and sister who care about him, and this is how he treats them!_

Without thinking, Naruto stalks forward and grabs Gaara by the shirt and shakes him. “What the fuck is wrong with you!” he cries, but before he can continue, he’s hurled to the ground, and Gaara descends on him, biting and kicking and scratching. This is all the excuse Naruto needs, and the two struggle violently on the asphalt of the parking lot. 

“Why—won’t—you—look at me!” Naruto cries, and the answer he gets is fists. One particularly harsh blow lands square in his chest, winding him for a moment, and his head bangs against the ground with a painful thud. Panicking, Naruto manages to flip them over so he’s on top and makes sure to give as good as he got. 

A dark thrill of satisfaction goes through him when he sees fear in Gaara’s eyes. Naruto is about to claw at his face when he becomes aware that they’re not alone. It had felt like they were the only ones there, but now he can hear screaming. It’s Gaara’s sister, begging them to stop, calling her brother’s name.

Because of his hesitation, Gaara gets the upper hand again, earning Naruto a painful jab to the ribs. He tries to extract himself from the fight and manages to push Gaara off him long enough to stand. But then something trips him, and he tumbles back to the ground. 

Stunned, Naruto can do nothing to defend himself. His body shuts down on its own as a last resort, playing dead. He can feel blood trickling from a cut on his forehead, but the pain has been replaced by a numbness, and his arms come up to cover his face. 

After what feels like hours but was more likely seconds, the onslaught stops, and Naruto looks blearily out at the world again. Gaara’s siblings have grabbed him by the arms and are attempting to restrain him. Gaara’s eyes are wide, animalistic, and he struggles to get free, entire being aimed at finishing what he started.

 _He really… he really wants to kill me._ That’s Naruto’s last thought before he loses consciousness. 

\---

He awakes to a splitting headache and the sound of an argument. He doesn’t recognize the voices, and he has to strain through a brain fog to make out what they’re saying.

“What are we gonna do?” hisses one voice. 

“I don’t know, this was all your idea, why don’t you come up with something?”

“My idea? You were the one who—quiet!” Both voices stop as the sound of footsteps reach them. Naruto wants to sit up and see what’s going on, but the command for quiet keeps him lying still. He doesn’t want to know what bad thing will happen if he’s discovered here.

Only once the voices go back to bickering, quieter this time, does he attempt to move. An intense shooting pain going through his skull soon dissuades him from trying to sit up, but he manages to force his eyes open and move his dry, swollen lips. “What… where am I?” He doesn’t recognize the pattern on the ceiling or the fancy-looking room around him.

Two figures appear above him, hovering. His vision is coming back into focus, and he realizes it’s Gaara’s siblings. _Temari and… Catman?_ He can’t remember the brother’s name, but other memories are coming back to him: the anger, the pain, the blood; the way flesh tore when he scratched at it; Gaara’s face, murderous…

He squeezes his eyes closed, both because light is hurting his head and because he wants to shut everything out. “Wait, I’ll be back,” he hears Gaara’s sister say, and then a door creak open and then shut again.

“You’re okay, just stay calm,” the brother says. _Kankaru?_

Naruto wants to pass out again but can’t quite manage it, so he lingers there on the edge until the girl comes back with a cold pack and a glass of water. The siblings help him sit up and drink. The cold pack helps with the pain, and Temari checks his pupils and asks him some questions to make sure he doesn’t have a concussion.

“Thank goodness you’re okay,” she says with a relieved smile, but Naruto’s not in the mood to be friendly.

“Where am I?” he half-asks, half-groans. 

The siblings glance at each other. “We took you back to our house,” the guy admits. 

“What!” Naruto exclaims. “I was in school! People are gonna notice I’m missing!” He starts looking around the room for potential exits. Situations like this are exactly why he hones his ninja skills so often.

“Calm down!” Gaara’s brother shouts. “We’re not trying to kidnap you were, we just…” 

“Look,” the sister interjects. “We had to get Gaara to his appointment. You showed up at the worst possible moment—he needs treatment to help him sleep. And he _doesn’t_ need to get in trouble for fighting again.”

“So what, him not getting in trouble is more important than my safety?” Naruto crosses his arms defensively. Gaara needing treatment to sleep is news to him, and he doesn’t want to consider if it had been a bad idea for him to grab the other boy by the shirt like that. 

The brother sighs. “Naruto,” he starts, somewhat patronizing. “You have questions about Gaara, right?” Naruto puts on his best duh face. “Well, we can answer some of those, if you agree to listen before doing anything. Sound fair?”

Naruto crosses his arms. “Yeah, okay.” He’s not happy, but his curiosity is beating his fear. He doesn’t know how to articulate what he wants to know, so he settles on, “What’s wrong with him?”

Temari opens her mouth and then closes it again. “That’s… not a question with a simple answer.”

“Well, answer it anyway. I said I’d listen.” 

“I’ll start at the beginning then, I suppose.” Temari straightens up, looking upset but determined. “Our father… he’s very interested in talent. Genius. He was happy with Kankuro and I”— _Kankuro, it was Kankuro!_ —“but for a long time Gaara was the favorite. He was the youngest, and our mother died giving birth to him, so Father always spent a lot of time with him. Gaara was more gifted, faster developing, than either of us.” She stops and looks to her brother to continue.

Kankuro picks up, “All of were sent to school for gifted children, but over time, it seemed that Gaara fell further and further behind. He withdrew socially, he stopped talking as much, and sometimes he would have tantrums which only got worse as he got older. When he was six, Gaara was diagnosed with autism.”

“What’s autism?” Naruto interrupts, annoyed that Kankuro used a word he doesn’t know. 

“It’s a developmental disorder. People with autism aren’t good with social interactions, struggle with speech, and don’t have empathy.”

“He is a genius,” Temari insists. “But he couldn’t keep going to the same school as us. Father didn’t have the time to see to all his needs, and our uncle Yashamaru took over his care. He put Gaara into speech therapy and sign language classes. For over a year, everything was fine. Kankuro and I didn’t see much of our brother, but when we did, he seemed happy.” 

Temari stops, and neither sibling looks like they want to continue. Naruto prompts, “Well? What happened?”

“We… don’t really know,” Kankuro admits. “But…”

“Yashamaru died,” Temari finishes, face steely. “Gaara saw how it happened, but he wouldn’t tell anyone. He was left alone with the body for hours, and he’d hurt himself.” The girl’s voice comes out strange, almost harsh. “Since that day, he doesn’t communicate through writing or signing often, and he talks out loud even less. He’s become violent, really violent. He’s stopped sleeping, too. He has to get light treatment once a month and he’s supposed to take medication, but I think he throws it out half the time. No one can make Gaara do something he doesn’t want to do.”

After a pause, Kankuro adds placatingly, “He doesn’t normally attack us, just people outside the family, and only when they get too close to him. Temari and I apologize on his behalf, but if Gaara gets in trouble for fighting again, he’ll have to go to juvie.”

Naruto doesn’t know what to feel. The story makes sense, but he feels like the part of him that cares has gone far away. All that’s left is emptiness and bruises. “So you’re protecting him.”

Temari shakes her head, looking guilty. “And covering our own asses. We don’t want to get in trouble with Father for letting it happen under our watch. But he is our brother. We thought, since you’re his friend, you would understand.”

Naruto looks away from them. Now that it’s all over, he can feel the sting of rejection settle in his gut. “It was stupid of me to say that. We’re not friends.” Silence stretches out between them. “But okay. I’ll keep quiet.”

The siblings rush to thank him, but none of it registers to Naruto. He feels like he’s sinking down, down into a place where no one can reach. 

Temari, who has her driver’s license, offers to drive him wherever he wants in the city, but he shrugs her off, not wanting to go home and get in trouble right away. The siblings have to sneak him out of the mansion, as they have a fair number of domestic staff. As the gate to the exit closes behind him, Naruto looks back up at the building, and for a moment, he imagines Gaara at a window, looking down on him, but no one is there. 

\---

Naruto gets suspended from school for a week for going missing. Yui is mostly concerned about his torn clothes and gives him chores to make up for it. Luckily no one puts two and two together with the fact that Gaara didn’t show back up for school for several days after his doctor appointment, though Naruto’s not sure why he cares. He feels stupid for going along with Temari and Kankuro and stupid for ever talking to Gaara in the first place. 

When Gaara comes back to school, Naruto avoids him. He sits as far away from him as he can in class, sits alone at lunch, plays alone at recess, and talks to no one. Gaara makes no sign that he’s even noticed the change. After a few days, other kids catch on, and Naruto starts getting teased again. _What, you broke up with your boyfriend? He get tired of how dumb you are?_

Months pass by that way until summer break comes again. As usual, Naruto isn’t totally free—he has summer school, but this year, only for a few weeks. He’s not excited about having more time to himself, however. There’s nothing he wants to do except curl up in a ball in his bed and never move again.

He’s leaving school on the last day when something happens, so unexpected it stops him dead in his tracks. Gaara approaches him. Not once in the entire year had Gaara been the first to interact, to communicate in any way. Naruto can hear his heart beating hard in his ears as Gaara passes him the notebook.

 _Why?_ it reads. _I told you to care only for yourself._

Naruto stares. “I don’t…” His mouth feels dry, and he licks his lips. “I don’t know.” His hands start to tremble, and he shoves them into his pockets to try to get it to stop. “Please, please just leave me alone.”

Gaara stands utterly still for a moment before giving a miniscule nod and walking away. Naruto stares after him, and for some reason, he gets the urge to call the other boy back, but he doesn’t. There’s no point. He asked to be left alone for a reason. He wishes he never had to see Gaara again.

\---

Summer school is a waste of time, as it always is, but at least it was a distraction. The rest of the summer is agony: the heat, the loneliness, the lack of direction. _In this whole world, there’s nothing for me to do and nowhere for me to belong._

That’s why he starts to go to Ichiraku more often. He’s scared of the way he’s been feeling; he thinks if he keeps on this way, he’s just gonna disappear. At Ichiraku, they know him, they talk to him, they smile at him. That’s worth a lot. He started eating there more than he can afford, so he offered to do chores around the place to pay off his tab, which they were more than happy to let him do. He’s there at least three times a week, eating and sweeping and chatting with Ayame.

It’s a slow Monday afternoon and Naruto is wiping down a counter when a familiar face enters the store. Naruto panics, throwing away his washcloth and looking for the nearest exit. He absolutely does not want to face Iruka right now.

Just as he’s about to bolt around the bar and away from the restaurant, a hand comes down on his shoulder. “Naruto,” Iruka says, his voice pure relief. “I thought you might be here.” Naruto wrenches his shoulder away from the hand and steps further away even though they have the bar in between them. “Please don’t run,” Iruka pleads. “I just want to talk to you. Please.”

Naruto can’t look up and meet his eyes. His voice comes out small and hoarse. “Okay.”

They sit down to order ramen, and Iruka says he’s paying for Naruto’s, no room for question. After they order, Ayame steps out into the back room considerately, sensing the tension between them.

Iruka does not launch into an explanation of what he wants to talk about, and Naruto can feel himself getting madder and madder as his initial nerves fade. _He kicks me out of his class, ignores me all year, acts like he has something to say, and then goes quiet? What the fuck?_

Naruto opens his mouth to curse Iruka out, to demand answers, but what comes out instead is “I’m sorry!”

Out of the corner of his eye, Naruto can see Iruka snap to look at him. “What?”

“I’m sorry, okay!” Angry tears start to roll down Naruto’s cheeks, and he wipes them away with force, scowling. “I’m sorry I caused so much trouble! I’m sorry I was so hard to teach! I’m sorry I’m such a—”

Hands grab his shoulders firmly, twisting him in his chair and turning him to face Iruka. Naruto meets the man’s eyes and is immediately overwhelmed by the fierceness in them. “Stop it!” he demands. “Just—stop.” He lets go of Naruto’s shoulders and takes in deep breaths to calm himself. “I’m—I came here to apologize myself.”

“What?”

Before Iruka can reply, Ayame, fast as ever, comes out of the backroom with their bowls steaming, and both of them, grateful for the distraction, turn to their food. Despite the summer heat, Naruto finds the warmth of the ramen intensely comforting, and for a while all he concentrates on is eating. 

Iruka, inclined to be indulgent, lets Naruto order several more bowls before he tries to go back to talking. “I know you’re angry at me. I just wanted to explain—to try to tell you why I did what I did.” Iruka takes a gulp of water before he continues. “Your class was only the second one I’d ever taught. When I met you, I could tell you… had struggles.” Naruto snorts at the diplomatic phrasing and gets ignored. “That whole year, I thought if I was hard on you, I could bring out your potential. I… I see a lot of myself in you, Naruto. You may not believe me, but it’s true.”

Naruto wishes he had more food he could concentrate on. As he doesn’t reply, Iruka goes on, “When you got held back, I thought maybe that was good, because I would have more time with you. But you started getting in trouble, skipping school, and failing assignments more than you ever had before. I didn’t know how to help you. Because you’re in foster care, you’ve never gotten the kind of support you need. I thought the special education track would be that support for you… But I’m pretty sure if I asked you, you would say it only made things worse, right?”

Naruto stares. He’s never ever heard an adult talk like this, like they understand him. 

Iruka looks away and swirls his drink. “That’s what I thought. I couldn’t stop thinking about it this whole year. I realized that I’d taken the easy way out instead of taking responsibility. So that’s why I wanted to talk to you.”

He looks back and meets Naruto’s eyes. “I’m sorry.”

The tears flow down Naruto’s cheeks freely now; instead of bothering to wipe them away, he dives forward and buries his face in Iruka’s shirt, sobbing. Arms come around his sides gently, soothingly. They stay like that a long time.

Ayame smiles as Iruka pays for their meal, but neither of them want to leave yet, and she brings them out more water and focuses on the other customers who showed up. 

Naruto feels light, strange from the tears, but the crying had given way to a huge well of joy in his chest. He’s smiling so hard his cheeks hurt and blinking around at the world in amazement. Everything looks brighter, more colorful. He doesn’t have anything to say, so he just sits there, appreciating the moment.

Iruka has his arm absently around Naruto’s shoulders now. “I quit being a teacher,” he confesses. “At least at that school. I just don’t feel like I can really do what I want with that job.”

Naruto can feel himself coming back to earth. “Wh—what are you gonna do?”

“I’m thinking of working with younger kids. Ones your age just aren’t as cute.” He smirks as Naruto protests this. “I’ve applied to some jobs at daycares and private schools. And… I’m thinking of becoming a foster parent.”

“Oh really?” Naruto considers this. “Well, I _guess_ you could be an _okay_ parent, if you just stopped being so—"

“Naruto! You little—!” Iruka almost yells. “What I’m saying is—I want to foster you!”

It feels like the world stops turning. “What?”

“I said I want to be your foster parent.” Iruka looks away like he’s embarrassed. “If… if you’re willing, I’ll start the application process soon.” Naruto can’t help himself: he starts crying again. Seeing this, Iruka smiles and pulls him close. “Am I meant to take that as a yes?”

“Yes,” he sobs. “You _jerk_.”

On hearing this news, Ayame brings them purin to celebrate. Once Naruto has calmed down, Iruka explains that for a while, he’ll only in the initial application phase of becoming a foster parent. It might be more than a year before he can provide him a home, but he gives Naruto his number and tells him that they’ll spend a lot of time together. 

Naruto is so overwhelmed by happiness that he’s almost relieved when something dampens it. Gaara’s face, angry and vicious and in pain, comes to his mind. Before today, he hasn’t been able to bear thinking about Gaara, trying to forget about him, forget about everything that happened. He’d been angry and bitter, no longer wanting to feel that Gaara was his responsibility. But now he feels as though he is betraying his friend by being happy without him, by finding someone and leaving him with no one.

A pain in his gut, he turns to Iruka. “But… what about Gaara?”

Iruka blinks in surprise. “You mean Gaara Sabaku?” 

Naruto clinches his fists and nods. “It’s not fair… It’s not fair that I have you and he has nobody. I can’t leave him all alone.”

Iruka looks at him admiringly and with pity. “I heard you had befriended him. But… Gaara is in a different situation than you. I don’t know what you know. I’m more than willing to believe there’s something going on in his home life. But you’re a foster child, and he’s the son of a rich politician. The chances of getting him away from his family are extremely slim.”

Naruto can feel a dark mood coming over him. He thinks about Gaara, who’s been left to rot in his misery until all that’s left is the will to survive. He thinks about Hinata too, her sweet face turned down in shame, all because her stupid family controls her every move. More and more, Naruto has realized how much suffering there is in the world, and how little he can do about it. Feeling sick, he mutters, “But I can’t… I won’t… I can’t give up on him. I…”

“Naruto,” Iruka says to get his attention, and gazes warmly at him when he meets his eyes. “I didn’t say we would give up.”

\---

After Naruto informs him about the situation, Iruka says he’ll try reaching out to Temari and Kankuro, but without Gaara’s cooperation, there’s very little they can do for him. This fails to get Naruto down: he feels like a whole new person. He’s less angry, less tense. He smiles more. And, unlike his former despondency, he has something he wants to do with all his heart.

It’s only two weeks before school starts back again, but Naruto is in no mood to be patient. He makes his way back to the Sabaku mansion, retracing his steps from the day he’d ended up there. Luckily Naruto knows the city so well, or he’s sure he wouldn’t be able to find his way. The fact that the mansion is gigantic and constructed from sandstone also helps. It’s only when he makes it there that he realizes his plan to throw pebbles at Gaara’s window isn’t a great one, since he doesn’t know what window is Gaara’s. 

Oh well. He gives up and goes with plan B. “Hey Gaara! Get out here! I want to talk to you!”

Naruto keeps yelling until a door to the mansion opens. His heart sinks when rather than Gaara, an older woman, presumably a maid, comes up to the gate. “Why are you here, young man?”

Sheepishly, Naruto rubs at the back of his head. “I wanted to see Gaara.”

The maid stares. “You mean… Master Sabaku’s youngest son?”

“I’m sure he doesn’t get many visitors, but it’s important that I talk to him. Can you at least ask him if he wants to see me?” he pleads.

Slowly, the maid nods. “What is your name, then, so I can tell him who’s here? 

“Naruto Uzumaki.”

“Alright. Wait here, and don’t do any more shouting.” With that, she turns on her heel and makes her way back into the mansion.

Every second she’s gone, Naruto gets more agitated. He hates waiting! He’s pacing agitatedly when the mansion door finally opens again. This time, he sees the head of red hair he’s been looking for. A relieved smile spans his face. “Gaara.”

The other boy looks wary. He makes no greeting but beckons him in silently. He leads Naruto up the stairs of the mansion as several members of the serving staff openly stare. Gaara’s room is down the hall from the one Temari and Kankuro had taken him to, slightly larger, and barren. The only place to sit is the bed, and so the two of them end up sitting across from each other on it. It’s a bit awkward since it’s not his bed and he has nothing to prop his back up against, but Naruto presses forward with what he wants to say.

“I’m here to answer your question. I did it all ‘cause I want to be your friend.” Gaara just stares more, so Naruto goes on. “You talk like you love yourself and want to destroy everyone else, but I think you’re full of shit. A person who loves themself doesn’t act like you do. All you’re doing is pushing people away who really care about you. Your siblings—they talked to me, they begged me not to tell so you wouldn’t be in trouble. You probably have reasons to be mad at them, but if you would just talk to them, you could work it out.”

Naruto thumps his chest. “You tried with me—you asked me why, but I didn’t have an answer. I do now. That’s why I came back. We’re not so different, you and me. Before, I was all alone. No one believed in me, no one wanted me. Now I have someone. Iruka, he really does care about me. He showed me that everything that happened to me wasn’t okay. It shouldn’t have happened. And so now I know that what happened to you shouldn’t have happened either.”

Gaara’s face twists, contorts into a look Naruto finds frightening, but he stays grounded, determined to see this through. Gaara pulls out his notebook and writes. _Stay away from me. I’ll kill you._

“Why? Why do you always say that?” Naruto growls. “Stop trying to scare me away! I’m no coward. You haven’t killed me yet, have you?”

Gaara hastily writes something on the notebook and then clutches at his head. _Mother wants blood._

“Mother?” Naruto asks, bewildered. “Your mother?”

Gaara starts to rock in his seat. It takes Naruto a moment to realize he’s signing the same thing over and over. It takes another moment for Naruto to remember what the sign, the index fingers of both hands pointing, coming together, means. _Pain, pain, pain._

“Hey…” Naruto says. “You’re… you’re okay Gaara. Just… breathe.” Slowly, the repetitive movements stop. They’re both quiet for a while, Gaara catching his breath, Naruto feeling like maybe he doesn’t know what he’s doing after all. Gaara has so many problems, so many ways he can be hurt. Naruto sees that now. 

After a while, Naruto says softly, “I don’t know about your mom, Gaara, but I do know about Yashamaru.” The other boy goes rigid. “I think… I think it will help if you talk about it. What happened to him?”

Gaara starts to shake. Naruto wants to comfort him and restrains, thinking trying to touch will make it worse. 

Gaara moves away from him and starts to pace agitatedly. Then he circles back to Naruto and starts to sign rapidly. Naruto makes out _mother_ but nothing else. “I can’t keep up, I’m sorry, I don’t know that much sign language.” Gaara looks irritated at this but quickly finds a solution, pulling out his notebook and scribbling as fast as he can with only his knees to bear down on. 

When Naruto finally gets the notebook, it takes him quite a bit of interpretation to make out any of the writing. Ordinarily Gaara’s writing is plain and self-contained, but today it’s messy and uncoordinated.

_Mother revenge  
Father forced her  
Yashamaru was sorry for me He_

“I don’t understand,” Naruto says, squinting down at the writing. “Are you saying your mother wanted revenge? And what did your father force her to do?”

Gaara snatches the notebook back and scribbles again, more calmly this time. _She did not want me. Father made her. I am the revenge._

“No,” Naruto says, his mind trying to shut all of this out. “How do you—she died right? When you were born? How can you know that?”

Gaara writes again, barely legible because of his shaking hands. _Yashamaru told me. His sister had been murdered and I was born as a curse on my father._

“No one is born as a curse!” Naruto shouts, tears filling his eyes. 

The other boy shakes his head and writes angrily. _You’re wrong. I killed Yashamaru._ At Naruto’s jolt of surprise, Gaara turns to glare at him defiantly. 

_This is the secret he’s been holding on to all this time_ , Naruto realizes. _He thinks he’s won, and this is where I finally give up on him and run away._  
Instead of leaving, Naruto crosses his arms and glares back. “I thought you were a curse on your father, not on your mom’s brother. Explain your twisted logic to me!”

_I am not revenge on my father._

_I am revenge on the world._

_Yashamaru tried to stop me, and so I killed him._

With every word he reads, Naruto can feel a dread creeping up on him. “He… tried to stop you?”

Gaara smiles an unearthly smile. 

_He said it wasn’t fair for me to live that way. Father wanted me gone and no one would ever love me. I was better off dead._

It all makes a sick sort of sense. “But then…” Naruto swallows. “Then you killed him in self-defense.”

_It doesn’t matter. He wanted me die with him. I refused to. If I had never been born, Yashamaru would still be alive, and so would my mother._

_My existence comes at the price of blood._

“Stop it!” Naruto demands, and reaches out to grab Gaara’s hand. “You feel that? That’s my hand. It’s warm, right? That’s ‘cause my blood is in my body where it belongs, and so is yours. That’s why you can feel me and I can feel you, because we’re both alive, not because anyone is dead!”

Gaara stares at their joined hands like he doesn’t understand what he’s seeing. All the breath leaves Naruto as Gaara squeezes his hand and then releases it. The pale fingers begin to trace the top of Naruto’s hand, then his arm, all the way up his body to his face. Gaara looks him dead in the eyes as he feels his forehead, his nose, his cheeks, his lips. After this strange investigation, the hand slowly withdraws and goes back to rest in Gaara’s lap. 

Something has passed between them, he can feel it like electricity in the air. The other boy looks strange, uncomfortable as he sits with his body slightly turned away from Naruto. _Is he… nervous? Embarrassed?_ “You’re a weird guy, Gaara,” he laughs, suddenly giddy.

Gaara shakes his head and simply points at Naruto, sending him off into further peals of laughter. 

He finds Gaara’s room extremely depressing, so he insists that they leave and walk around the neighborhood if they’re going to continue hanging out. Gaara agrees, which is strange in itself, getting any kind of response from him. But as Naruto takes his friend’s hand and leads him out into the sunlight, he starts to think that’s the way things are going to be from now on: the two of them, connected, together.

\---

Naruto crosses his arms obstinately and pouts. “No.”

“Oh come on, why are you refusing now?” Kankuro ruffles his hair, and Naruto bats his hand away in annoyance.

“Because you should talk to him yourself instead of using me as a go-between! He can write answers, you know. You guys are supposed to be geniuses, right? You can talk to him yourself!” 

In the last few months, Naruto has only gotten better at sign language. At first, he didn’t mind being a translator. It started when Gaara asked him to help him apologize to his siblings. That had been a very emotional evening—Gaara was his usual simple self about it, but Temari and Kankuro were very touched and ended up apologizing themselves. At the time Naruto had admired them, thinking that being a big sibling must be hard, since you feel responsible for your little sibling, but his benevolence has long worn off.

Temari takes a sip of her drink. “He’s probably right, you know. We could work on learning sign language too. That’s Gaara’s preferred way to communicate. It would show that we care.”

Kankuro’s grin can only be described as shit-eating. “But then I wouldn’t have an excuse to bother cute little Naruto.”

Naruto can feel himself getting heated. “Oh piss off, will ya?” He stands up from the table and stretches. “Gaara, get over here! Temari and Kankuro want to talk to you about something.”

This of course gets no reply, but just to be sure Gaara heard him, Naruto wanders down the hall of Iruka’s apartment, calling his friend’s name. Gaara emerges from Naruto’s bedroom, his usual neutral expression on his face. “Go talk to your siblings so they leave me alone.”

The corner of Gaara’s mouth lifts up very slightly, the closest he ever gets to smiling. “Hey, it’s not funny! You all are gonna have to start paying me if you can’t get your shit together and learn how to communicate without me.”

Gaara waves him off and heads to where his siblings lounge in the living room. Since he’s absolutely not going to help them in any way, Naruto heads to the kitchen to see what Iruka is up to. His soon-to-be foster parent is trying to fix what he calls a “healthy, well balanced meal” but Naruto calls “boring.” Still, Naruto offers to help. He can’t cook a whole lot, but after years of being left to fix his own meals, he knows how much work it takes. No matter how fussy, bossy, or cranky he can be, Naruto thinks Iruka has to be one of the nicest people in the world. Even though Naruto isn’t technically his responsibility yet, he’s already taking care of him. Naruto has never had this this much attention or affection or help in his life, and he’s only been staying over at Iruka’s house one night a week, so they’re not even living together yet.

Similarly, Gaara’s situation has improved, not only because he’s finally started to open up, but also because he has people around him supporting him. Temari and Kankuro have promised that he won’t be left alone with his father once they become adults and are finally getting to know their little brother for who he is. Iruka can’t foster Gaara, but he can open his door to him; today the five of them are hanging out together at his place, and tonight is the first time Gaara will sleep over. 

Naruto gets assigned setting the table rather than doing much cooking, since the kitchen is too small for two people to effectively work in it. It’s not a particularly fun task, but Naruto turns it into a ninja challenge: how fast can he set all five places? This backfires and a plate gets broken, leading to Naruto getting yelled at, but it's okay. He knows Iruka doesn't mean it. 

Soon enough they’re all sitting down to eat together. Iruka says ramen is a sometimes food, so tonight they have miso soup, stir fry, and rice. As he chows down, Naruto decides it is good, even if ramen is better. He’s gonna have to get Iruka to teach him how to cook.

They all hang out in the living room for a while after eating, though it ends up with Gaara and Naruto signing back and forth while Temari, Kankuro, and Iruka make their own conversation. The crazy thing that Naruto realized is that Iruka is only four years older than Temari—before he’d always thought Iruka was so much older than him, but he’s not even twice Naruto’s age. Since Temari and Kankuro are both pretty mature, they can speak to Iruka more as peers than kids. Naruto would rather talk with Gaara in a language no one understands than be a part of all that adult stuff.

Eventually, Temari and Kankuro depart, saying their goodbyes to their brother. Gaara looks slightly shy as he waves at their retreating forms. Naruto has never seen him so timid. _Maybe he’s nervous about staying away from his house for the night with someone he doesn’t know._

With this thought in mind, Naruto makes sure to keep a cheery, joking attitude as they go back into the apartment, help Iruka with clean up, and play some games to pass time. 

All in all, it’s a great night, and Naruto is sure Gaara feels at home by the time they head to bed. That’s why he’s surprised when he wakes up in the middle of the night to the sight of Gaara, awake, staring straight at him.

Naruto rubs at his eyes and peers through the dim light. There’s no bed yet in this room, so the two of them are lying next to each other on the floor, cushioned by mats and blankets. “Gaara? Why aren’t you sleeping?”

 _I do not know. I never sleep unless lose consciousness_ , Gaara signs back.

“Don’t you… have medication?”

_Does not work. I lie, cannot move, do not sleep._

“Oh.” Naruto bites his lip. “I can’t imagine not being able to sleep. I always just lie down and then it’s the next morning…” He yawns and imagines it, being up all night, every night, no rest and no one to talk to.

Naruto wiggles over so he and Gaara are close enough to touch. “I thought maybe you would start sleeping better, since things have changed. But it’s okay. I’ll be here all night so you won’t be alone.”

He closes his eyes again and is drifting off to sleep when he feels Gaara lean closer to him so that their foreheads touch. Naruto sleepily pats Gaara’s shoulder and then succumbs to unconsciousness. The next morning when he wakes, Gaara is still awake, cuddled close to his side, and he looks more rested than Naruto has ever seen him. _It’s a start_ , he thinks as they head to the kitchen for breakfast in their pajamas. _It’s a start._

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like the ending is somewhat weak, but I was rushing to get it done. Since I wrote from Naruto's POV, I wasn't able to do more with the Gaara/Temari/Kankuro relationship. I had ideas and may turn them into a short fic in future. 
> 
> Certain characters just showed up to fill a role I needed in the story. I promise I don't dislike Neji! This could have just as easily focused on him or Sasuke or Sakura, Gaara just happened to be the character my friend suggested, and this couldn't be book length. 
> 
> Apologies if anyone finds any aspect of how I wrote special ed offensive. I was not in special education myself, though I am on the autism spectrum. I did some research and I know this depiction isn't totally accurate--I was going more for emotional resonance. A lot of the accounts from marginalized students I read talked about being bored, feeling condescended to, etc., so that's what I went with. Also foster children are way more likely to be put into special ed, so that's accurate. I know more about the foster care system so I don't think the way I've portrayed it is far off. Foster parents get away with neglect all the time.


End file.
